I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
