3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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