Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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