i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't deserve a penis
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
