Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
