This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
