Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
