There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
