It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he laminated a picture of his dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize