I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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