So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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