I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
