She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
