party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
