i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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