I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
