capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
