See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
