New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
