At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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