I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
