Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
