Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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