I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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