I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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