Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
