i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
