Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
