You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
