Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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