Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
