i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I will be naked everywhere
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
