Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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