Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
