Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
