All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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