so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
