my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
