census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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