I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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