under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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