Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
