Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
