I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
