just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
