he shaved USA in his pubs
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
