My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
