Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
