my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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