I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
