i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
