ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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