My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
