Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
