I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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