when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
