Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
