OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its not stalking. its research.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
