I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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