I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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