Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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