dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
