I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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