Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
