'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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