Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You pole danced in your parka.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
