I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
