im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
